Toddlers. Help Wanted.

Well, I made it through my first week of my third quarter. The end is creeping closer, my friends. It will undoubtedly be another hard one, but I’m in too deep to turn back now. Though there are definitely days when  I want to…

Let me preface this by saying that I was sufficiently prepared, if not overprepared for 0-12 months of infancy. We’ve crossed that border. We’re now classified as “Toddler.”  I guess I didn’t realize how underprepared I was for this stage. I know babies, I know kids. But I am learning now that I don’t know toddlers.  I just… don’t quite have the hang of it… She was such an easy baby that toddlerhood hit me like a bag of bricks. Or 2. Sometimes it seems like days upon days of disasters. I mean, not disasters like broken bones or shaken baby syndrome… not at all. But WHO KNEW toddlers were so.. Challenging? She makes me feel like I can’t do anything right… I don’t make her milk fast enough, I don’t feed her the right foods, I don’t pick the right activity, I don’t anticipate her needs quickly enough. I guess it is this communication barrier. She understands me, but I don’t understand her. She has about 8 words, and none of them sufficiently communicate to me EXACTLY what she wants. And so hence, the failure mother. She is still the sweet little girl, all smiles and giggles and fun and play until I don’t get what she wants. She refuses to eat the foods she once devoured like a little piglet. She wants up, then she wants down. She wants to play, then she wants outside. She likes me, she hates me. WTF! Total communication breakdown. I so, so wish she could talk to me. I guess she is just learning so much and figuring out that she has the ability to make decisions for herself, and so tries to do so, but it’s not what I want, or it’s dangerous, or unrealistic, and so she FREAKS.  All she wants to eat is blueberries and crackers, aka “kah-cuh.” She throws her food on the floor defiantly, and I sing, “Cinderella, cinderella…” while happily picking up her discarded timely prepared gourmet organic foods off of the floor. (Where is Charlie when you need him?) She’s figured out how to get out of her stroller and highchair regardless of restraints, (hello, bugaboo lawsuit??) Next is the crib.. god help us all. She NEVER stops moving. Running. Climbing. Throwing. Knocking over my tea all over the couch, computer, camera, phone. Oh my good lord, what am I to do? The child is unstoppable. Totally happy but totally out of my realm of understanding. THIS is the terrible twos, making an untimely arrival at near 15 months. She is happy two times: in the bath, or with a dog. Obsessed with both. If only I could construct a day where she is at all times bathing, playing with a dog, bathing a dog, bathing with a dog, or playing with a dog who is bathing her. Or bathing while eating blueberries and crackers and playing with a dog. Why can’t I have a Nanna like in peter pan? The world would be a beautiful place.  Anyway, kind souls, take mercy and tell me how to get through toddlerhood without resorting to noose/alcoholism/valium/adopting 30 dogs? I had it ALL right when she was a baby! ALLLLLL right. Down to a T.  I guess I spent too much time during my pregnancy reading about infancy and breastfeeding and not enough about the demands of toddlers.

Don’t get me wrong… she still brings light into my life, still makes me uncontrollably sappy, still makes me laugh, still fills me with joy, etc etc…  But this? THIS is a job for 2 or more. Now I get the whole “it takes a village.”

I know we’ll get though this… I know we will. I read her The Little Engine that Could; the whole time thinking, “Oh, that’s me!!! I got it! I get the story now for its true intention!”

Right?….