chocolate cake

today is decadent, one of those rich, delicious days that you just want to gorge yourself on.. 80 degrees, sunny, breezy, happy, perfect. no work, just play. i could spend this post (and did contemplate it) catching up on the last few weeks, but that is boring and most of you know about it anyway- passed my classes, passed the HESI, graduated Nursing School. BSN. Waiting to take the boards. work starts july. wedding in 5 weeks. forest fire at the wedding site, huge change of plans, got lucky and found a beautiful venue last minute. lots to do.

but today I get to enjoy my daughter.. this amazing ridiculous brainy little houdini/ADD/renegade/excited to be alive little girl. toddlers are incredible. so challenging. by the end of most days, about an hour or two before bedtime, i’ve had about enough of the whole ordeal– the whining, picking up food off the ground and eating it, playing in charlie’s bowls, trying to get outside, wanting to wash her hands and brush her teeth (play with her toothbrush) for an entire hour, asking for elmo and then not watching it, wanting to play in the cabinets, asking to go to the potty fifty times (fifty wasted clean diapers– yes I do try to reuse them but most of the time they get destroyed) trying on every item of clothing in her dresser, shoes on, off, on again, off, help! on again; bucking charlie’s harness and needing help unbuckling it so she can buckle it again, the ABC’s, “again, again? nother song? nother song?” “daddy coming? gigi coming? GIGI COMING!!” and crying when they aren’t, filling the crayon cup and then dumping them all out (“colors!”) and chewing on them, bubbles in the bath– “more bubbles! more! MORE!” and hour long baths with whole bottles of burt’s bees bubble bath wasted… “soap? more soap? peeas? peas mama?” and the boo boo’s. i can’t forget the boo boos.. how much mileage she gets out of them, unbelievable.

and then bedtime comes and I miss her, the chaos, her needing me, her loving us.

but being able to spend my days, my whole entire days with her (though challenging, tiring, no, exhausting, rendering my brain mush) is joy, absolute pure decadent chocolate cake perfection. watching her long legged toddler body run through the playground, looking so much more like a child these days (where’s my baby?) really communicating with me, climbing like a pro, not wanting my help but still checking to see that I’m watching. it’s luck. it is pure dreams come true. this is why people reproduce. this is why the world continues to grow- because being a parent really is truly the best thing in existence. this body came from my body; this body has it’s own mind, it’s own agenda. miraculous.

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