withdrawal

8 days I’ve been apart from Tessa. Serious withdrawal. The longest I’ve gone is 3 or 4 days and at the end of that I promised it would never happen again… It has been incredibly helpful that I’ve been able to study nonstop and come and go as I please, but it’s also so, so distracting.

The anxiety is building and palpable… It is 245 and I absolutely cannot sleep. I studied from 1030 am until 1130 and then laid in bed for two hours, flashes of wedding and nursing and tessa in my mind. The more I study the more I freak. And the boiling point is that if I don’t pass the comprehensive HESI the first time on Saturday, it’s another whole week before I can go home. So I have to pass. Because I have got to get back to my life. There is SO much to study, and so much that I’ve forgotten over 11 months of loads and loads of information jam packed into my brain and filtered through as needed, and all of a sudden I need every fucking bit of it, by Saturday please. How the hell am I going to do this? Did I mention I have to get an 87% to pass? Minor details. Supposedly 50-75% pass the first test. That’s all. Jesus fuck, which percentage am I going to fall in… I mean really, enough is enough. I am so over this. I’m going to be a competent nurse, okay? Isn’t that enough? Please please pleassssseeee……

How to prioritize and sort through and study the right things and get the 87… oh good lord I really am gonna throw a CVA right about now.

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